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Celestiial: Where life springs eternal
03/05/10 || Altmer
Imagine a river flowing on a mountainside. It’s like a tiny little creek. Imagine the sun slowly shining on it. Imagine frogs hopping on the edge of the river banks, seeking shelter from waterfalls. Now imagine that the noise of this, added with guitar reverb and some awful croaks, makes up the entirety of one fucken album. See what I did there? It sounds really pretty, but when you actually look at it, there is absolutely fucken nothing going on. Nothing.
Seriously, that is all there is to it. There is a guitar that goes “DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN” throughout the entirety of the record. One song is actually 30 minutes long. There are probably 20 strokes of the drumkit on the entire record. It’s very pretty ambient music and all, but… where are the fucken songs. I mean, fucking Enya is probably more interesting than this drivel. This is fucking muzak for pretentious people. This is like putting David Attenborough documentaries on, without the interesting bits. I don’t get it – do people think they’re unique while recording this kind of shit? I doubt even a hardcore dronebone black metal fan would like this. I mean I like emotional, moody, landscape-y music and all, but I just don’t get this type of complete overdone horseshit. Even the most boring post-rock band in the world would be better than this. For fucks sake, even Godspeed You! Black Emperor write 20 minute songs that are all climaxes and ambiance, and they are ten times more interesting than this.
If you still don’t get what this album is all about, then picture Agalloch, but only the mellow interlude bits, drawn out for 30 minutes, with similar vocals thrown in. And more sounds of running water. Yeah. That is the kind of stuff we here at GD get sent. That is the entirety of this fucken album. I rather listen to Pink Floyd’s “Several species of small furry animals gathered together in a cave and grooving with a Pict” than listen to this foresty folk/black/drone/whatever shit metal again. Highly recommended you stay away from this mongoloid music because it’s the very definition of BORING. It’s the epitome of lame. If “sucking at music” would be in the encyclopedia, there would be a picture of this album next to it.
I really, really, really don’t get this pointless piece of music and I hope this fucking mongo (for a one-man project it is) goes back to the foresty river where he came from. And he can take their life springing eternally in the Celestial sky or whatever with him. Fucking tree-hugging maggots…
- Information
- Released: 2010
- Label: Bindrune Recordings
- Website: There is no official website. The band leader doesn’t own one. The recording that is “officially linked to” or whatever is unsafe and your browser will warn you of this.
- Band
- Tanner R. Anderson: everything
- Tracklist
- 01. Spell Over Still Water
- 02. Great Storms Carry My Sadness
- 03. From Elm Blossoms a Rose
- 04. Offering in Cedar Smoke
- 05. Songbirds Depart Through the Passing Near the Garden
